Letters to My Grandchildren: Discontent and Complaining

My Dear Grandchildren,

Well, time for another letter. This time the topic will be two related problems: being discontent and complaining about it. And, of course, we start with some definitions.

Discontent: thinking that something is not okay

Complaining: saying that something is not okay

So, is it okay to be discontent and to complain about it? Well, it’s just a fact that there are more than a few things that really are not okay. After all, it was God who said,

It is not good for the man to be alone… Genesis 2:18

There are times when it is very appropriate to think that something is not okay and even to say so.

But, as you know, there are other times when it isn’t right to think or say such things.

Do all things without grumbling… Philippians 2:14

(While the word ‘complaining’ isn’t in that verse, I think that ‘grumbling’ comes close enough. And that grumbling reflects being discontent with the situation.)

All of this leads to an obvious question. When is it right to be discontent and complain, and when is it wrong? You will be able to know right and wrong here by answering these two questions. What are you complaining about (whether just to yourself or to someone else)? Whom are you complaining to?

So, consider this from the time that Israel was in the desert after the Exodus.

And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” Numbers 11:4–6

Now, what was ‘not okay’? It was the food, the manna that God had provided. Let’s be honest. Was the food they ate in Egypt more enjoyable? Yes, it was. In terms of things like taste and variety, that food had it all over the manna. But what was the manna? It was God’s gift to the people in the desert. Without it they would most certainly have died. He could have provided meat and fish and all the rest. But He didn’t. He sent manna for them to eat every day.

So, are there times when we can say that life could be better than what it is now? Sure. But then, we need to ask why it is the way that it is now. Sometimes we need to accept a situation that is obviously not okay because it is clear that it is God’s will for us.

I’ll give you a personal example. It is not okay that my wife, your grandmother, has died. Remember, it was God who said,

It is not good for the man to be alone...

I can tell you that that is so very true. So, it’s okay for me to think that this aspect of my life is not okay, that life would be so much better if I still had my wife. However, I also need to accept this difficult part of my life as God’s will for me because it obviously is His will for me since He caused her death. And that is what I do.

But what can I say about it? Can I complain about it? Is it ever right to complain about something that isn’t okay, something that is God’s will? Well, actually, yes, it is. But again, it depends on some things. Consider this from the Psalms.

With my voice I cry out to the LORD; with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. Psalm 142:1–2

David is complaining about something isn’t he. Later in the Psalm he explains what it is.

Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me! Psalm 142:6

What is not okay? David is being hounded by those who are persecuting him. And David complains about that. But here is the difference between David in his situation and Israel in the desert. Israel complained about God, about His failure to feed them in the way that they demanded. David, on the other hand, complained to God. That is, He appealed to God. He wanted God to act, to deliver him from the evil of his persecutors. He was not annoyed at God and complaining about Him like Israel did but was looking to Him to change the situation. It is this kind of complaining that is good and right, complaining to God.

And that is how I also complain as I deal with being alone. I appeal to God to give me the ability to deal with my very ‘not okay’ situation and to wait for the day when He will deliver me from it.

Now, why is all of this important? The answer to that is simple. Life is hard. Oh, to be sure, there are many things to enjoy and to be happy about. And I hope that your lives are full of those things. However, there are also problems, frustrations, disappointments and things to be sad about. It is far too easy to fall into the trap of allowing yourself to feel annoyed at what’s not okay (discontent) and then to grumble about it (complain). That’s just wrong because it’s being annoyed at God and complaining about Him. Now, it’s important to acknowledge what is not okay about life. After all, there is much sin all around you, sin that afflicts you. But then, what you need to do is to appeal to God for the ability to accept His plan and to wait for deliverance. That’s how we, as disciples of Jesus, are to live.

With my love,

Grandpa B