Words

Over the last while we have made significant progress as a church when it comes to community. Relationships have grown. Bonds of love have developed and been strengthened. And all that is good. Actually, it is very good. Good relationships are a critical part of what it means to be a church. What I'd like to do this morning is to build on that and encourage it. The Scriptures have a lot to say about this. I’m going to read one passage that speaks to it. Notice how it includes many different aspects of what it means to be a church, a group of people who love each other.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4.25-32)

Paul is speaking about different aspects of group dynamics. I'm not going to deal with all of that. I'm just going to focus on one of his exhortations. I'll leave the rest for some other time. Here's the one.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

This sentence is about the words that we speak to each other. Paul contrasts words that build up and give grace with words that are corrupting, words that are a gift of good and words that destroy. The first lesson I'd like you to consider is simply this: Words have power. Your words have power.

I want you to listen to several bits of Scripture that are intended to guide our use of these powerful things called words.

So, here's the first.

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. (Proverbs 10:11)

Have you ever thought of your mouth as 'a fountain of life'? The words that come out of your mouth overflow with good to the people who listen to you. And please note the verb. It's not that the mouth of the righteous can become a fountain of life or ought to be a fountain of life. No, it is a fountain of life. There is something built in to those who are the righteous. To be sure, we can thwart this. We can do things that will bury any good that might result from our speech. I will look at that after a bit. But my point here is that there isn't some class that you have to attend. You don’t have to have some special experience. You mouth is a fountain of life. This is a description of Christians. There is power in your words, power to do good, power to give life. Your words give grace.

Here's another verse.

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

I think that we all know what the first part of that verse feels like. We have all felt the sword thrusts of rash words hurled at us. That's the power of words used for evil. But don't focus on that. Focus rather on the second part of the verse.

… but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

You have the ability to bring healing to others who have been deeply wounded by thoughtless or even harsh words. Consider how many people live with wounds suffered and untreated; words of criticism that are being believed when they shouldn't be, mocking words from decades ago that still sting, lying words that set them up with false expectations of life. You have the power to bring healing to these people. You have that power in your words.

My point here is quite simple. You have amazing power to do good. Your words can give grace to people you speak with. You can bring healing into their lives and build them up. You have this power. That's what the Spirit says. Do you believe Him?

That was about the power of words. Now, let's consider the point of those words. What are you to be doing when you speak? How can your words give grace? For one thing, you are to instruct others.

I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another. (Romans 15:14)

Who was Paul writing to? It wasn't a bunch of pastors and theologians. He was writing to a church filled with regular folk. And he told them that he was quite confident that they could instruct each other. There were things that they knew that they could pass on to others. And those who were being instructed in one area could instruct in some other area. They were all able to instruct one another. One obstacle to understanding this is that we all too easily think of 'instruction' as something you have to go to school for. Not true. We have learned lots of things just by living. You don't need to have some advanced degree to be able to instruct. And think of how you can be so helpful to the person whom you are instructing. So, for one example, we have all made mistakes and have learned from them. Wouldn't it be good to pass on those lessons to someone else so that they can skip the 'making mistakes' part? You all know some things about life, the good and the bad. That means that you have something to pass on to someone else. One reason to speak is to instruct.

Then, there is this from Jesus.

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him…  (Luke 17:3)

Another reason to speak is to rebuke. That's actually a rather strong word. A weaker version of it is the word 'reprove'. You reprove someone by saying, 'Gosh, are you sure that's a good idea?' But it's a rebuke to say, 'You are wrong, and you need to stop it right now!' There's a bit of an edge there. That's what Jesus is telling us to do. Now, how does that build up and give grace? Pursuing sin never works. God will curse that kind of activity. By rebuking that brother or sister you will spare them much trouble. And while not every situation will require the heat of a rebuke, there are some that do. So, out of love, use the power that you have to help that saint. Speak to him. Reprove him. Rebuke him, if you have to.

Another verse.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

This is the flip side of the previous verse. We certainly need to rebuke, but we also need to encourage. And there are so many opportunities to do that. We all get told, more than we like, how we are missing the target. And much of the time the person reminding us of our failures is ourselves. What a blessing it is when someone tells you that you are doing something well. How encouraging. We can encourage the people around us every day. All you need to do is look for the opportunity. Look for the good things that people are doing - and you are all doing good things. And then just tell them. Make it real, and make it specific. When you rebuke someone you are specific enough. You need to do the same when you encourage someone. That means that you need to make the effort to notice what people are doing and then to say something about it. Tell them. It doesn't need to be a big deal. It can be something as simple as, 'I just want you to know that you do really well when you…' and then fill in the blank. This is something that we are to be doing as a church and as families. 

So, your words have power, power to give life and to heal. And the point of your words includes doing things like instructing, rebuking and encouraging. As we do these sorts of things we give grace to those we speak to.

Now, we're ready for a question. Why don't we use this power of words more than we do? I'm not saying that you never do these sorts of things, but I think that I'm on safe grounds when I say that we can do more of it. But there are obstacles. What are they?  

Here's one. Our culture has taught us about boundaries. There are lines that you aren't to cross. So, rebuking someone? That's just off limits. 'Who are you to tell me that I'm wrong? Just mind your own business.' It's also true for the other side of the coin. Being complimentary, telling someone that you really appreciate something he does, can feel a little too personal, a little too close. Boundaries. But that's just our culture talking. God says something different, something better. We need to learn how to ignore those cultural boundaries and use our words to give grace to those around us. So, the next time you bump into a boundary and you tell yourself that you can’t cross it, ask yourself if that's just a cultural boundary that needs to be ignored. We are called to use our words to do good to others. The Spirit will help us with this.

A second obstacle is related to that first one. We're afraid. We're afraid of how the other person might respond. 'What if they get angry for my words of rebuke, or even for my words of gentle reproof? That might harm our relationship.' And the fact of the matter is that the relationship just might suffer a setback. It seems right to wonder, though, what kind of relationship it is if you cannot speak honestly to each other.

But this second obstacle is tied to a third: lovelessness. The motivation for using words must always be love for the person we are speaking to. That applies to words of rebuke as well as words of encouragement. A refusal to speak when you know that you should is a matter of lovelessness. Or to say that differently, it means that you don't care. At least you don't care enough to risk something, to risk your enjoyment of the relationship. Love does dangerous things. Love will take a risk and cross a boundary. And it does that in order to give grace to the other person.

You have the power of words. With that power you can do much good. Confront the obstacles so that you use that power. You might do well to talk to someone who has dealt with this. Maybe they can instruct you.

So, in light of all of this, what are you to do? I have two thoughts. The first is about technique. When you speak to someone, say enough so that what you want to communicate is clear to the person you are speaking to. If you are going to rebuke, give lots of details including the biblical reasons why you think the other person deserves that rebuke. The same is true when it comes to encouraging someone. Tell them enough so they understand what you are singling out for praise. And that is especially true when it comes to instruction. It's not enough just to use imperatives. 'Just do this and you'll be fine.' Make sure they know how to do it. So, saying, 'I think that if you and your husband just sat down and talked about this you could solve this problem', might sound like enough. But what if they don't know how to sit down and talk about things? Say enough. Be specific. Make sure that they understand.

Here's my last thought. It comes from something Jesus said.

… out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12.34)

As with everything else, the key issue has to do with what is going on in the heart. There have been so many relationship fads that boiled down to psychological tricks or the attempt to cover over real problems with some new, superficial behavior. They never work. And the reason is clear. They don't deal with the heart. If the heart isn't changed, the problem won't be fixed, not in the way that it needs to be fixed. The main problem, when it comes to using the power of words, isn't a matter of technique. There are, to be sure, things to learn about 'how-to'. But a real solution begins when the Spirit changes our hearts. For some, it's a matter of dealing with fear. For others it's about loving others enough to invest the time and effort. For others it's about re-organizing what's really important. And for some it's just a matter of unbelief. They really don't think that their words have any power, so they don't talk. But Scripture says differently. As the Spirit points out how we sin in these things we need to repent and come again to Jesus for forgiveness and change. And that leads to this. We need to pray. We need to pray not just for ourselves, but also for each other. We, together, need to obey what Jesus has called us to be as a church. And a big part of that is using our words to bless the others in this room.