The Nurture and Admonition of the Lord

We've just baptized little Reuben. A command that is often repeated in situations like this is,

         

And, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6.4 [KJV]

It's familiar enough which means that the potential for misunderstanding goes up. We don't think about things that we know, or at least, we think that we know. After all, we know them. But what does that familiar command mean? Or to put it differently, what is supposed to happen to Reuben? What does it mean for his parents to bring him up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? I think that that is a good question for Jon and Lisa to ponder. It's a question that we all need to ponder as we care for the children in our church. And that's why I'm going to answer it. But I need to warn you.
I'm going to take the long way around to answer that question. And I'll tell you why I'm going to do that. I could give Jon and Lisa a list of things to do and to avoid doing. That's a very practical answer to that question. But a list by itself won't work. For one thing, any list that I could give them cannot anticipate every situation. On top of that, what's fine for an infant just won't work for a toddler and certainly not for a teenager. More than a list they will need some large principles that they can apply to the different situations and stages of Reuben's life. They need to understand the big picture before they can deal with the details. And that's what I want to do: give them a sense of the big picture, some large principles, for them - and all of you - to apply. And that's why I'm going to take the long way around to answer our question.

So, let's start with this. What is Reuben's standing before God? What is he in God's eyes? One popular option is that he is innocent. After all, he's a baby. How could he be anything but innocent? But is that how the Bible describes his standing? Actually, no. The Bible states that he has a sinful nature. Reuben is a sinner. Consider some Scripture.

Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous. Romans 5:18-19

Adam represented us in the Garden. And he sinned there. His one trespass led to the condemnation of all of us. His disobedience made us all sinners. So, since Adam, everyone is born with a sinful nature. And that includes Reuben. Reuben is a sinner before God.

Here's another verse that expresses the same thing.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Psalm 51.5

Did you catch David's point? Before he took his first breath he had a sin nature. He was a sinner from his conception. He got that from Adam. David was born a sinner. We all are. And that includes Reuben. 

Now, you have probably heard about something called 'the age of accountability'. There are some who would say that Reuben is not held accountable for the sins he commits until he reaches a certain age. I really don't think that there is biblical support for this idea, but it doesn't matter. I'm not talking about sins that Reuben will commit before that special age. It's not about what Reuben does. It's about what Reuben is. He is, by nature, a sinner, a sinner from the moment he was conceived. So, let me say it again. Reuben is a sinner before God.

So, if Reuben's status before God is that of a sinner, we have an important question to answer. Is Reuben currently on his way to hell? Is that his fate, unless he is converted at some time in the future? If that's his situation, then that has lots to say about how he is to be raised. If Reuben is a lost sinner, then God is not his Father, Jesus is not his savior and the Spirit does not reside within him. If Reuben is a lost sinner then he can't sing 'Jesus Loves Me', which includes the line, 'Little ones to Him belong'. He can't sing that because he is not one of the little ones who belong to Jesus, at least not right now. He's a lost sinner. If Reuben is a lost sinner, then Jon and Lisa have a little pagan living in their home. And this is what they need to teach him. 'You are a lost sinner. God is not your Father but, rather, your angry Judge. However, if you get converted, if you come to believe in Jesus, you will be saved. If you don't do this, you are going to hell.' Is that the nurture and admonition of the Lord?

Now, I don't think that Reuben is on his way to hell. In fact, I think that he can sing 'Jesus Loves Me' and, when he learns it, he should sing it with great gusto and joy because he is one of Jesus' little ones. I think that God is his Father, Jesus is his savior and the Sprit does, in fact, reside in him. Clearly, I need to explain why I think this. And I will. But before I do, let me say that questions like 'What is Reuben's standing before God?' are important, and they need to be asked and then answered from the Bible. How you answer these kinds of questions will determine how you act. The answers to those kinds of questions determine how a parent raises his kids. You may never have met any Christian parents who think that their children are little pagans, but I have. They answer those questions very differently, and they raise their children very differently.

Now, let me explain my thoughts about Reuben singing 'Jesus Loves Me' and all the rest. David wrote something that I have found quite striking. In Psalm 22 he is crying out to God to be rescued from the troubles that are overwhelming him. In that Psalm he wrote this.

You are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God. Psalm 22.9-10

David cries out and expects God to do something because, as he says, 'You have been my God'. The ancients were wiser than most today, at least in this regard. They understood that different groups worshiped different gods. So, some worshipped Baal and his consort Asherah. Others worshipped Molech. There were also those who worshipped Bel and Nebo. And each group said to the other groups, 'You have your god. But this is my god.' Israel also had their God whom they worshipped. And it is to this God that David said, 'You are my God. Not Baal, not Nebo; You are my God.' David knew that there was a bond between him and his God, a bond grounded in a covenant. Just as a husband and wife are bound together by covenant, David and his God were bound together by covenant.

God summarizes this covenant that He has with David, and all of Israel, with these words. 'I will be your God, and you will be my people.' In this He promises His people that He will be to them all that it means to be God. He will provide for, care for, protect and guide His people. He will rescue them and even correct them. And in response Israel, His people, is to hope in Him, depend on Him, obey Him, trust Him, enjoy Him. This God of Israel makes no such promises to those other groups who worship Baal and the others. This God has a covenant only with the people of Israel. This idea of a covenant relationship between God and His people started in Genesis and goes all the way to Revelation.

David has this covenant relationship at birth because of how God set it up. Children born of parents who are already in this covenant are also included in that covenant. This God was God to David's parents and so, when he was born, this God was David's God also. So, though David was born with a sinful nature, (Remember, 'in sin did my mother conceive me.') he was also born with the true and living God as his God. And that's why David can say what he did.

You are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God. Psalm 22.9-10

And this has something important to say about Reuben.

But let me anticipate a question here. It might go something like this. 'So, David is automatically saved by God just because he was born into the right family, born to parents already in covenant with God?' Now, whenever you have 'automatically' and 'saved' in the same sentence you've probably made a mistake. There is nothing automatic about being saved. So, David is not 'automatically saved'. In fact, quite the contrary. In one way or the other, as he was growing up, David was told something like this. 'You are in a covenant relationship with the God of Israel. That gives you certain promises from your God, but it also places before you certain commands, also from your God. You can enjoy this covenant relationship by believing the promises and obeying the commands. But if you fail in these things, then you will have broken that covenant. It will be like a divorce. God will no longer be your God, and you will no longer be one of His people. And you will go to hell.'

David needs to keep this covenant. And the key to covenant keeping is faith. Faith believes the promises, and faith obeys the commands. There is no covenant relationship with God without faith. So, consider two people who were born into this covenant relationship with the God of Israel. David kept the covenant, and right now he is in heaven enjoying the face of God. But Judas broke that covenant. He is in hell enduring the justice of God.

Now, someone is thinking, 'But what about that thing with Bathsheba where David seduced another man's wife and then murdered that man to cover it up? That doesn't sound like faith believing the promises or obeying the commands.' And, of course, that is right. So, did David break the covenant then? Yes, he did. But if you remember, Nathan, the prophet, called him to repentance. And David repented. He wrote Psalm 51 as an expression of his repentance.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your covenant love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. ​Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

Part of what it means for God to be David's God is that He will forgive David’s sin if he repents. This is a remarkable aspect of this covenant relationship. David repented of his sin and so, he was forgiven. But when Judas broke the covenant, he did not repent.

So, there is no 'automatically saved'. All who are in a covenant relationship with this God need to work at being faithful to their God, that is, believing the promises and obeying the commands. And when they break the covenant, they need to quickly repent and return to being faithful. Refusing to repent will be fatal.

And so, do you see that life for someone in this covenant relationship with God is a life of faith and repentance, a faith that believes the promises, a faith that obeys the commands, and then, when there is sin, a faith that repents. And that will be the theme of his life.

Now, we're ready for that question. What does it mean to bring Reuben up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Jon and Lisa will need to teach him some things. So, first, he needs to be told that because of God's great kindness, he is included in a covenant relationship with God, the true and living God. That's why we baptized him. His baptism certifies this covenant relationship. Baptism is like that official seal at the bottom of an important document. It testifies to the authenticity of the document. Baptism testifies to the authenticity of the covenant relationship between Reuben and his God.

Reuben will also need to be taught that this God has a name. His name is Jesus. And this God made a covenant relationship possible by His suffering on that Cross. Reuben needs to hear a lot about that Cross and the God who saved him by it.

Reuben will also need to learn what it means to keep this covenant. So, he will need to learn how to believe the promises. Those promises include things like protection against evil, his sins being forgiven, daily bread, the ability to deal with each day, the comfort of the Spirit's presence, the assurance of the affection of the Father, his prayers always being heard, the certainty of enjoying the age to come and lots more. At the same time, Reuben will need to learn how to obey the commands. Those commands include sharing his toys, honoring his parents, being a disciplined student, praying in faith, self-denial for the sake of the Gospel, working for the spread of the kingdom of God and lots more. And Reuben will need to be taught to do these as an expression of his faith. Just going through the motions doesn't count. He needs to learn how to believe the promises by faith and how to obey the commands by faith.

And then, of course, Reuben will need to be taught how to repent. There will be times when he will not believe some promise or obey some command. And he'll need to be told that just saying, 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it. Repentance includes more. He will need to learn how to repent by faith. And Reuben will also need to be warned. He will need to be told that if he refuses to repent when the Spirit points out sin he runs the risk of forfeiting this covenant relationship and ending up in hell. There's lots that Reuben needs to learn. And that's why parents, of all people, need to pray.

So, you see, this 'nurture and admonition of the Lord' is not about raising a nice little boy who will become a nice man who will have a nice family who will go to a nice church. The goal is a loyal disciple of Jesus who will have a growing faith that will believe the promises, obey the commands and repent of sin. The goal is to raise someone who will be devoted to Jesus. The goal is to raise someone whom Jesus can use to change the world. And that will be my prayer for little Reuben.