The Family

Last week we looked at Genesis 1 where God creates and defines humanity. I pointed out then that the key goals for us were in two categories. In the first was the command to populate. In the second were the commands to tame and be creative, turning potentials into realities. This week we’re going to move into Genesis 2. Here, God creates and defines something else: the institution of the family. The goals are still the same: populate, tame and be creative. You’ll notice that these two chapters sound very different even though they cover pretty much the same territory. The reason is that they are taking two different perspectives on the same events. It’s kind of like the Gospels. Read Matthew and then read John. They are so very different, but they are dealing with the same Jesus. They do this because each writer wants to emphasize different things for his readers. The same thing is happening when you read Genesis 1 and then Genesis 2. It’s the same set of events, Creation, but these events are viewed from different perspectives so that the writer, Moses, can emphasize different things to his readers in each chapter.

Our text is Genesis 2.15-25. Please listen as I read.

Let me start off with a simple summary of our text. First, there is a command. ‘The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.’ This is all about the goals of taming and being creative, except here it’s focused on the Garden. Next, there is a prohibition. ‘And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”’ Here is one example of how different perspective shows. This prohibition isn’t even mentioned in Genesis 1. But it’s important for what Moses wants to accomplish in this section. Then, there is a problem. ‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”’

Let’s start with this last item. It’s very important to note that this problem exists before there is any sin. Remember, sin doesn’t show up until chapter 3. So, this problem, this not being good, isn’t because of sin. It is tied to some built-in limitation in Adam. He needs help to fulfill the call that God has placed on him, and he needs this help because of how he was created. You’ll want to remember that. There is a need in Adam, and it’s not because of sin. God recognizes the problem comes up with the solution, and it’s Eve. In this way God establishes the family. Now, together, Adam and Eve are able to fulfill God’s call to populate, tame and be creative. Eve was needed, was necessary, because of the call of God. Adam could not fulfill it alone.

Let me insert here a quick thought. Once she is created, Adam rejoices over his wife. Why? It’s not because she is the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen, though, of course, she is. It isn’t because she is a great cook or a loving mother. She’s done neither of those things. In fact, she hasn’t done anything at all. Adam rejoices over his wife just because she is his wife, and he says so. So, a word to you husbands. Imitate Adam. Rejoice over your wife – just because. And it would be good to do that with words she can hear, like Adam did.

Now, I want you to notice some things about how God created and defined this family. The first thing to note is that there is no mention of children. To be sure, there are to be children. Go back to chapter one, and you’ll see that command about populating the earth. But it’s left out of this perspective of what happened. It’s not in chapter 2. It’s kind of like Matthew and John again. Matthew includes the Lord’s Supper in his Gospel, but John doesn’t even mention it. He left it out. There is a reason why John writes this way. It points to something for his readers to notice.

So, there is no mention of children in chapter 2 for a reason. It’s not just because none had been born yet. There isn’t even a call for Adam and Eve to populate the earth. God left out all mention of children when He defines what the family is to be about. And that’s not because of some oversight. So, what’s going on?

There may be other things going on, but I think that we can at least say this. Children are not to be the focus of the family. If they were to be that central to the family then they would have been mentioned here at the creation and definition of the family. Now, that is not the same as saying that children are unimportant. The rest of Scripture speaks to the importance of children and that there should be lots of them. But the Scriptures never teach that they are to be the focus. The focus of the family is to be the call of God given to each family just as it is given to each individual – something that we saw last week. Children are included in this. They have a role in the family as that family pursues God’s calling, but they are not its focus. There is obviously more to be said here, but I think that this is enough for now.

The next thing to note is that the command and prohibition that I mentioned earlier were spoken to Adam but not to Eve. She wasn’t even around when God told Adam those things. Now, that’s not significant if God is making this up as He goes. So, imagine if it happened this way. God says, ‘Oops. It’s not good for Adam to be alone. What should I do? Hmm. There must be some solution. I know! I’ll create Eve. It would have been better if I had already created her so I could have given the command and prohibition to both of them, but what are you going to do? This will have to be good enough.’ I hope that it’s clear that that’s not how God created. Everything, including the timing of the creation of Eve, is going according to plan. It becomes more interesting when your add to that the fact that God expected Eve to obey the command and to heed the prohibition, even though she did not hear them from God.

So, what do we take away from that? What is significant here? It is the first expression of this biblical theme: the husband is to be the leader of his family. The family is to be a team pursuing God’s call for them. And the husband leads the team. Now, it’s very important to be clear here. There have been many misunderstandings of this, and I want to avoid them. So, let’s start with a clear definition of ‘leading’. To lead the family is, first, to establish goals for that family. These may be long-term goals or short-term. Next, it is necessary to plan how the family is to achieve those goals. What are the steps to be taken? And then, leading includes dealing with any obstacles or problems that arise as a result of following the plan to reach the goals. There is one last element: being responsible before God for the whole process – initiating it, overseeing it all, bringing it to its culmination. So, this is leading: establishing goals, making plans, dealing with problems, accepting responsibility. Adam was to lead his family.

So, consider what happened at the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Basically, Eve and the serpent had a conversation. Eve was fooled and ate. Up to this point Adam isn’t even in the picture. It’s only after Eve ate that Adam is referred to. That’s when he also ate. Eve ate first. Eve sinned first. But whom did God go to first? ‘But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”’ This does not mean that Eve is off the hook. But it does mean that Adam is responsible before God for his family. God holds him responsible. So, this is leading: establishing goals, making plans, dealing with problems, accepting responsibility. This is what it means to be a husband. He leads.

This is where it is so very important for you to remember that Adam, because of how he was created, could not fulfill God’s call alone. Adam needed Eve. And what that means here is that Adam cannot lead all alone. Cannot. He needs Eve. So, Eve has an indispensable role in leading the family. If Adam is going to fulfill God’s call, he needs Eve. She is necessary. So, when it comes to leading the family Eve has an equal and necessary voice.

In a perfect world, when it comes to establishing goals, making plans and solving problems, each husband and wife would make decisions by consensus. It might go something like this. Adam says to Eve, ‘This is what I’m thinking we need to do.’

She replies, ‘That’s seems good, but did you think about this?’

‘You know, I didn’t. Do you really think it’s important to include that?’

‘I really do. Let me tell you why.’ And she does.

‘Okay, what if we adjust things like this?’

‘That’s much better. I like it.’

That’s leading together. Both Adam and Eve have a voice in the decisions being made. However – and this is very important – because Adam is responsible before God for all that happens with his family, in effect, their decision becomes his decision. If something goes wrong, Adam doesn’t say, ‘But that was the part that Eve wanted to include.’ No, it’s, ‘That was my decision, and I am responsible for it. So, I need to deal with the problem.’ And, of course, he will need Eve’s input to do that.

So, you need to hold these two points together. A husband is accountable to God for his family. God goes to him first for whatever goes on in his family. He needs to accept this responsibility. But a wife has an equal and necessary voice in all of this. Adam cannot fulfill God’s call without Eve’s help. Cannot. So, while the husband is unable to lead the family alone, he accepts sole responsibility for whatever happens in the family.

Now, why do I stress this? There are a couple of things going on. For one thing, culturally, we are awash with boys and men who don’t lead. And they don’t for at least two reasons. They are not expected to lead, and even if they were, they don’t know how to lead. We are also awash with girls and women who have been told that they need to lead and to lead, if necessary, alone. In this, I speak from personal experience. When Linda and I were first married I had no clue how to lead. I could take care of myself adequately well. So, I could work a job, balance a check book, and make sure I looked presentable when I had to. But when it came to leading a family – establishing goals, making plans, solving problems and especially taking responsibility – not a clue. These were ideas I had never even heard of. Linda, on the other hand, had been trained to take the initiative, to be assertive, to get things done on her own. When I tell you that our first years of marriage were difficult, I hope that you get the picture. We almost didn’t make it. Part of my problem – and lots of guys today have the same problem – was that I was wimpy. So, for many, myself included, the supposed key to being a good husband was to be able to say, ‘Whatever you want, dear.’ As a result, many women – either because they were trained this way, or because they knew someone has to lead – fill the vacuum created by their wimpy husbands. To say that this is not good is an understatement.

Again, let me clarify lest I be misunderstood. The opposite of wimpy is not some tough, aggressive dictator that everyone in the family fears. The opposite of wimpy is being like Jesus. Who can doubt Jesus’ ability to lead as a real man? And yet, as you read the Gospels you see how the people found Him so approachable and full of compassion. They were drawn to Him. We need more husbands like Jesus.

In light of all of this about leadership, a wife needs to have or at least needs to develop certain qualities. One of them is for her to be able to trust her husband’s leadership. So, just as the husband needs to tell himself, ‘I am responsible and not just for providing some income and cutting the grass. I am responsible for everything. This is how God has defined a family’, likewise, the wife needs to tell herself, ‘Once we’ve discussed it all and we have reached a decision, I need to support my husband and trust his judgment, especially when I don’t agree with him. He needs me to do that.’ And even if she doesn’t have a no-clue husband, but one who is really trying, that’s still really hard. In fact, this is impossible for her to do unless she trusts Jesus.

So, a question here. In the education of your children, in how they are being trained, are the boys and the girls being treated the same? Are the same expectations placed on them? Is the same sense of responsibility expected of them? If the answer is yes, then how will the boys develop into men who lead their families well, taking responsibility for it all? How will the girls develop into women who will help their husbands by clearly speaking their minds and then being supportive of their husbands? If we train them to be the same, why should we expect them to fill different roles as husband and wife?

Here is the basic point of all of this. The husband and the wife together establish goals, make plans on to reach those goals and deal with the problems that may arise, but the husband accepts the responsibility before God for all of that.

Now, two closing thoughts. The first is for those of you who are married. Some of you are doing pretty well at what I’ve just described. And some of you aren’t. But it’s just a fact that none of you are doing this up to God’s standards. And the reason, of course, is sin. You are sinners, and that affects everything, including your families. I say that not to discourage you. I say it because it’s true and progress can only be made when the truth is acknowledged.

It’s here that you need to remember that the Gospel is for sinners. Jesus has come. He has come to provide forgiveness for sinners, even no-clue husbands. And there is great comfort in that. He has also come so that you can be changed and do better at being a family as God has defined it. But for that to happen you need to know what you’re aiming at. There are lots of missing tweaks and nuances in what I’ve just told you, but I’ve put before you the basic idea of how God defines the family and how it should function. Now you need to consider what needs to be adjusted in your life and in your family so that you can make some more progress. That is something to discuss with the Father. As you work on these things remember repentance and faith. You will falter and get things wrong. That’s when you need to remember Jesus has come for sinners.

Then, there are those of you who are not married. And I include all of you kids in this category. First, I need to say that you may never get married. If that’s what happens, then that is God’s calling for your life. Remember Jesus never married. The Father called Jesus to a single life. The key issue for singles is the same as that for marrieds: God has called you to your life. Fulfilling that calling is what your life is all about. If His call includes you not being married, then you need to embrace it. It is your loving Father who calls you to that life. That doesn’t mean that it will be easy. But fulfilling God’s call as someone who is married isn’t easy either. And when Satan tries to trip you up by whispering in your ear that you are missing out because you are single, here’s a thought that I find very helpful. Because of Jesus’ promises about heaven/eternity there is no possibility of missing out on anything. No possibility. Jesus has promised.

Then, there are others of you who may meet someone and think about marrying that person. Before you do, here are some questions for you to ask yourself:

̵     Can this other person and I establish a family that will serve Jesus in whatever it is He calls us to?

̵     For you who are girls and young women: Can this man lead a family?

̵     For you boys and young men: Can this woman help me be responsible for a family?

When Linda and I got married, right at the end of the ceremony, I told the people there that we had decided to get married because we were convinced that we could serve Jesus better together than separately. I didn’t know what I was talking about. Remember I was the no-clue husband. But, because of Jesus’ great kindness, over time it actually became true of our marriage as we made some progress learning God’s definition of a family. I say that to encourage you. Jesus has come to rescue sinners and that will show in your life. Be optimistic as you work at fulfilling God’s calling for your life.