Changed

I’ve changed a lot over the last several years. My goals have shifted. My desires are different. Heaven has become more precious and the stuff of this life less so. Prayer is a joy, something that I avail myself of throughout the day. The things that I read in my Bible make lots more sense. Death is not something that I fear. It has become a doorway into what is more substantial and more beautiful. And basic to all of this is that Jesus is much more real to me. I believe His Gospel in ways that I never did before.

The other day I was wondering why all this change has happened, and a thought came to me. And it’s related to a theme that is found in a verse like this. ‘For He has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and He has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to Him.’  [Psalms 22:24] I trace so much of this change in me to Linda’s death. Me before that and me after that are really very different. One of the things that I did a lot of during that time was pray. They weren’t complicated prayers. Actually, they were quite simple. They were all a variation on, ‘Lord, get me through this.’ In ways that I never had before, I cried to the Lord – and true to His word, He answered me. But He answered me in ways that went beyond my requests. He most certainly got me through that. But He did that not by making me forget Linda or what had happened. He did not make all the pain go away. But He helped me to see Linda’s death from a Gospel perspective. Even this evil thing was part of His good plan not only for my life but, more importantly, for His Church. And He made it possible for me to answer His question, ‘Do you trust Me now?’, with a clear ‘Yes.’ He answered my prayer to get through it all in ways that went beyond my expectations. He brought me through it by changing me. And that’s what makes Him an awesome Savior.